113 things to say: Coherence

I can't believe that I'm already turning 20 today. I am fairly excited to be leaving my teenage years behind me although it's crazy how fast time has passed - I can still remember my 16th birthday as if it was yesterday and a lot has happened since then (well, obviously.) The last two years were probably the best ones of my life - apart from my childhood years, who else wants to go back to dressing up as Pippi Longstocking?. I am grateful for everyone that has been part of my journey. I am also very happy that 18-year-old-me decided to start a blog and that 19-year-old-me has managed to start blogging continuously. Blogging has become a major part of my life and I hope it will still be when I'm turning 30. Or 60. I love talking about fashion and travelling and sometimes about beauty as well although I am probably most passionate about giving advice and sharing my stories to help others. Over the last year I have learnt a lot and today I thought I would take the opportunity to talk about the topic that has been on my mind a lot: coherence.

I admit that sounds a bit weird at first but over the last year I have learnt how essential it is to be coherent or better, to live a coherent life. Coherence is at the core of happiness and without it our life gets out of balance, our happiness gets tainted or disappears. If you asked me about the definition of being coherent I would suggest that it means being balanced, having a life that matches your needs and your personality, having a life that is fully 'you'. If you do things that go against who you are you will end up unhappy and unfulfilled. It is important to make a difference between being incoherent and stepping out of your comfort zone, though. When we talk about stepping out of your comfort zone we mean confronting fears and gaining experiences that will benefit us. We are talking about experiences we want to make but our fear is holding is back. Fighting these fears and leaving your comfort zone if a great thing to do and it makes you a stronger person.

Being incoherent however leads to unhappiness. If you are living in a relationship and simply can't be yourself, it will make you miserable in the end. That's why coherence should be the main criteria for many decisions and maybe one of the main goals in life. But we're still taking about an abstract feeling so let's get more specific. Over the last year I stepped out of my comfort zone many times and usually gained valuable experiences from that - however I also got myself into some situations that negatively impacted my well-being. These situations ranged from meeting up with people that made me feel uncomfortable to taking a job that was clearly wrong for me. It was definitely for a good cause but it demanded me to do things I felt opposed to and it was very money-focused which also put me off. While I was doing this job I felt like a completely different person and I could not manage to integrate it into my life or personality. Eventually I quit and I probably should have done that earlier.

What I'm trying to say is don't do things that you can't incorporate into your life and that make you feel like you're playing a role. Even though it takes time to realise that. One of the things coherence should be a main criteria for is the choice of your uni subject. Oh boy, it took me long to figure that out although it's actually quite simple - you wouldn't become a butcher if you loved animals, right? I nearly chose the wrong subject - there were two I was choosing between and that both seemed to fit my goals in life - but even though I would probably used both degrees for the same thing one of the subjects was clearly wrong for me. It was focused on money&economics which might be for other people, but not for me. I can only encourage you to think about whether you degree would fit your personality and your life - think about your main focus in life and how that could translate into a subject ( I might write a whole blog post about that topic one day). If you love helping others like I do, Psychology or Medicine might be great for you. If you love achieving justice, then rather go for law.

The choice of a job or a uni subject is only one example. Another one is friendships. It is important to have friends that support you and that allow you to be who you are. A real friendship should feel natural, like a part of yourself. Coherence isn't only about gaining inner balance, it is also about balancing the different parts of your life and not letting one of these parts consume your life. Ideally work, friends and family should all 'make sense together'. But that's a different topic. What I'm trying to say is listen to your heart and follow your intuition. Try to surround yourself with people who strengthen your personality and who 'fit' into your life if that makes sense. Do things that feel right for you and that go well with your personality. It is important to distinguish whether fear is holding you back or whether something generally goes against who you really are - in that case, the simple word 'no' is your friend.

A really good example is actually blogging. I think we have all been at the point where we uploaded a blog post that didn't feel quite 'right' or where we wrote a post because we thought it was expected of us, rather than writing a post we were feeling passionate about. Only when I freed myself from the expectations I thought other people had I became really passionate about writing. Because blogging is the most fun if you let your personality flow into your posts and provide content that's close to your heart. Whether that's content about politics or beauty. I realise this post has become way longer than I thought it would. Anyway, what I'm trying to say with this ramble is: If you focus on coherence, happiness will follow. Ask yourself, whether a circumstance leads to you living an incoherent life. If a situation forces you to be someone you're not, try to leave it.